Puppers

Woof. That was Tom Cruise, the actor. They said he was some kind of scientist. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? Well, they got the Asian right… ”hotties” might be a stretch. The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. Oh…yeah…the guy in the…the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn’t make that in three months. Come on! A trick is something a whore does for money… or cocaine. That coat costs more than your house!

I’ll sacrifice anything for my children. I didn’t get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!!

You stay on top of her Buddy. Don’t be afraid to ride her. Hard. I hear the jury’s still out on science. I hate the Wetlands. They’re stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane.

It’s a jetpack, Michael. What could possibly go wrong? Why are you squeezing me with your body? This was a big get for God. I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona. I’m a complete failure. I can’t even fake the death of a stripper.

A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money. If I wanted something your thumb touched I’d eat the inside of your ear. O-kay, who’d like a banger in the mouth? Mr. Zuckerkorn, you’ve been warned about touching. Barry: You said spanking.

Are you sure this isn’t her sister? Mrs Veal: What a lovely thing to say. Michael: That’s an awful thing to say. Turn this skiff around! O-kay, who’d like a banger in the mouth?

I don’t care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. She’s trying to prove that she’s closer to my children than I am, but the joke’s on her, because she doesn’t know how little I care for GOB.

How about a turtle? I’ve always loved those leathery little snappy faces. I know what an erection feels like, Michael. God knows they’re squinters.

I’m gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not – NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point. But I’m the oldest. The matriarch if you will. Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted. I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, so now I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Buster, what are you doing with mother’s rape-horn?

Mom… after all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you. No, Pop-pop does not get a treat. I just bought you a f**king pizza. Daddy horny, Michael.